Treat Women Kindly

A lot of people in the West believes that women are badly treated in Muslim communities. Allegations are also there that ISLAM orders Men to be harsh on WOMEN. When you browse the internet, you can find a lot of stories about women tortured or murdered in Muslim countries in Anti-Islamic websites and Western Media websites.They use such stray incidents to malign Islam and Muslims. But,the question is can you find similar or worse incidents in European countries? The answer is yes. In other words, having some women not being treated in a proper way doesn’t mean that Islam ordered men to insult or torture women.Allah instructs Muslim Men to be nice to their wives and to treat them well to the best of their ability:

“…..And live with them in kindness…..” [Quran 4:19]

Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said that,

“The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women.”

[Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1162]

The Prophet of Mercy tells us that a husband’s treatment of his wife reflects a Muslim’s good character, which in turn is a reflection of the man’s faith. How can a Muslim husband be good to his wife? He should smile, not hurt her emotionally, remove anything that will harm her, treat her gently, and be patient with her.Being nice includes encouraging one’s wife. The most meaningful admiration comes from a sincere heart that notices what really matters — what the wife really values. So a husband should ask himself what she feels most insecure about and discover what she values. That is the wife’s sweet spot of praise. The more the husband compliments it, the more the wife will admire it, the more on target this healthy habit will be. Kind words are like, “I like the way you think,” “You look beautiful in those clothes,” and “I love hearing your voice on the phone.”

Human beings are imperfect. The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said that,

“A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” [Sahih Muslim 1468 b]

The above Hadees teaches us that A man should not hate his wife because if he dislikes something in her, he will surely find something he likes about her if he gives it a chance. Before the advent of Islam, women were often treated worse than animals. The Prophet ﷺ wanted to put a stop to all cruelties to women.He ﷺ preached kindness towards them. He told the Muslims that:

Fear Allah concerning women! Verily you have taken them on the security of Allah, and intercourse with them has been made lawful unto you by words of Allah. You too have right over them, and that they should not allow anyone to sit on your bed whom you do not like. But if they do that, you can chastise them but not severely. Their rights upon you are that you should provide them with food and clothing in a fitting manner. I have left among you the Book of Allah, and if you hold fast to it, you would never go astray. [Sahih Muslim 1218 a]

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) was most emphatic in enjoining upon Muslims to be kind to their women when he delivered his famous khutbah on the Mount of Mercy at Arafat in the presence of one hundred and twenty-four thousand of his Companions who had gathered there for the Hajj al-Wada (Farewell Pilgrimage). In it he ordered those present, and through them all those Muslims who were to come later, to be respectful and kind towards women. He said:

“And indeed I order you to be good to the women, for they are but captives with you over whom you have no power than that, except if they come with manifest Fahishah (evil behavior). If they do that, then abandon their beds and beat them with a beating that is not harmful. And if they obey you then you have no cause against them. Indeed you have rights over your women, and your women have rights over you. As for your rights over your women, then they must not allow anyone whom you dislike to treat on your bedding (furniture), nor to admit anyone in your home that you dislike. And their rights over you are that you treat them well in clothing them and feeding them.”[Jami` at-Tirmidhi 1163]

Other Hadees that enjoin kind treatment of Women are:

And I advise you to take care of the women [Sahih al-Bukhari 5185, 5186]

Act kindly towards woman, for woman is created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it, its crookedness will remain there. So act kindly towards women.[ Sahih Muslim 1468 a]

Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) as saying: A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another. [Sahih Muslim 1468 b]

Treat women nicely [Sahih al-Bukhari 3331]

Behold! I order you to treat women well, for they are but like captives with you, you have no sovereignty beyond this over them, unless they manifest lewdness. If they do that, then abandon their beds, and beat them with a beating that is not painful. Then if they obey you, then there is no cause for you against them beyond that. Behold! There are rights for you upon your women, and rights for your women upon you. As for your rights upon them,then they are not to allow anyone on your bedding whom you dislike, nor to permit anyone whom you dislike in your homes. Behold! Indeed their rights upon you are that you treat them well in clothing them and feeding them.'”[Jami` at-Tirmidhi Vol. 5, Book 44, Hadith 3087 ]

I enjoin good treatment of women, for they are prisoners with you, and you have no right to treat them otherwise, unless they commit clear indecency. If they do that, then forsake them in their beds and hit them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark. If they obey you, then do not seek means of annoyance against them. You have rights over your women and your women have rights over you. Your rights over your women are that they are not to allow anyone whom you dislike to tread on your bedding (furniture), nor allow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses. And their right over you are that you should treat them kindly with regard to their clothing and food.’ ”[Sunan Ibn Majah Vol. 3, Book 9, Hadith 1851]

Treat women kindly, they are like captives in your hands; you do not owe anything else from them. In case they are guilty of open indecency, then do not share their beds and beat them lightly but if they return to obedience, do not have recourse to anything else against them. You have rights over your wives and they have their rights over you. Your right is that they shall not permit anyone you dislike to enter your home, and their right is that you should treat them well in the matter of food and clothing”.[At- Tirmidhi].
[Riyadh us salihin Book 1, Hadith 276]

So,that’s it folks! Treat your wife nicely and be kind to her all the time.

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